Acknowledgments iv
Preface xi
I Managing Yourself 1
1 Why Congruence Is Essential to Managing
3
1.1 Knowing versus Doing ..4
1.2 Law of Requisite Variety ..6
1.3 The Importance of Congruent Management ..6
1.4 The Number One Random Process Element ..7
1.5 The Road Ahead ..9
1.6 Helpful Hints and Suggestions 10
1.7 Summary 10
1.8 Practice 11
2 Choosing Management 13
2.1 Where the Payoff Is 14
2.2 The One-Dimensional Selection Model of Management14
2.3 Effects of Applying the Model 17
2.4 Choice and Congruence 20
2.5 The Vision Behind the Choice 20
2.6 Helpful Hints and Suggestions 21
2.7 Summary 23
2.8 Practice 24
3 Styles of Coping 26
3.1 Coping Congruently: The Self, Other, and
Context 27
3.2 Blaming 28
3.3 Placating 29
3.4 Superreasonable 32
3.5 Loving/Hating 33
3.6 Irrelevant 35
3.7 The Role of Self-Esteem 36
3.8 Helpful Hints and Suggestions 39
3.9 Summary 39
3.10 Practice 40
4 Transforming Incongruence into Congruence
42
4.1 Congruent Behavior 42
4.2 Transforming Blaming into Assertive Behavior
45
4.3 Transforming Placating into Caring or Yielding
Behavior46
4.4 Turning Superreasonable into Focused and
Reasonable
Behavior 48
4.5 Changing Lovers/Haters into Beneficial Alliances
or Friendly Rivalries 49
4.6 Transforming Irrelevance into Funny or Creative
Behavior49
4.7 Helpful Hints and Suggestions 50
4.8 Summary 51
4.9 Practice 52
5 Moving Toward Congruence 54
5.1 Reframing Internal Messages 55
5.2 Dealing with Strong Feelings 57
5.3 Steps Toward Congruence 60
5.4 What Congruence Means to a Manager 63
5.5 Helpful Hints and Suggestions 64
5.6 Summary 66
5.7 Practice 67
II Managing Others 69
6 Analyzing the Manager's Job 71
6.1 Deciding and Appointing 72
6.2 Listening 75
6.3 Following Up 76
6.4 Evaluating Quality 76
6.5 Personnel Decisions 77
6.6 Administering 78
6.7 What Congruent Managers Do 80
6.8 Helpful Hints and Suggestions 81
6.9 Summary 82
6.10 Practice 83
7 Recognizing Preference Differences 85
7.1 Same or Equal? 85
7.2 Preferences 86
7.3 The Myers-Briggs Preferences 87
7.4 Getting Energy 88
7.5 Obtaining Information 89
7.6 Making Decisions 90
7.7 Taking Action 92
7.8 Why MBTI? 94
7.9 Helpful Hints and Suggestions 95
7.10 Summary 96
7.11 Practice 97
8 Temperament Differences 98
8.1 Four Kinds of Control 99
8.2 Understanding the Four Temperaments 101
8.3 Temperaments in Action 105
8.4 Temperaments As Tools for Understanding
109
8.5 Helpful Hints and Suggestions 109
8.6 Summary 110
8.7 Practice 112
9 Recognizing Differences As Assets 113
9.1 Why Differences Are Assets 113
9.2 Management by Selection Model 114
9.3 Management by Systematic Improvement Model
117
9.4 Cultures 118
9.5 Females and Males 119
9.6 Other Significant Differences 121
9.7 Helpful Hints and Suggestions 124
9.8 Summary 125
9.9 Practice 126
10 Patterns of Incongruence 128
10.1 Where Does the Time Go? 128
10.2 The Placating Pattern 131
10.3 The Blame Chain 133
10.4 The Addiction Cycle 134
10.5 Helpful Hints and Suggestions 136
10.6 Summary 136
10.7 Practice 137
11 The Technology of Human Behavior 138
11.1 The Search for a Model 139
11.2 The Satir Interaction Model 140
11.3 How Meaning Is Developed 145
11.4 Style versus Intent 147
11.5 The Skilled Technologist of Human Behavior
148
11.6 Helpful Hints and Suggestions 150
11.7 Summary 150
11.8 Practice 151
III Achieving Congruent Management 153
12 Curing the Addiction to Incongruence 155
12.1 Forcing the Addict to Stop 155
12.2 Punishment 157
12.3 Rescue 159
12.4 Co-Dependency or Co-Addiction 160
12.5 A Successful Cure 161
12.6 Helpful Hints and Suggestions 163
12.7 Summary 164
12.8 Practice 164
13 Ending the Placating Addiction 166
13.1 The Placating Organization 167
13.2 Transforming the Placating Organization
170
13.3 Making Placating Less Attractive 171
13.4 Remaining Steps 174
13.5 Helpful Hints and Suggestions 175
13.6 Summary 175
13.7 Practice 176
14 Ending the Blaming Addiction 177
14.1 The Blaming Organization 178
14.2 Criticism As Information 182
14.3 Prohibiting Blaming 185
14.4 Helpful Hints and Suggestions 186
14.5 Summary 187
14.6 Practice 188
15 Engaging the Other 190
15.1 Placating 191
15.2 Blaming 193
15.3 Superreasonable 197
15.4 Irrelevant 198
15.5 Loving and Hating 199
15.6 Helpful Hints and Suggestions 200
15.7 Summary 201
15.8 Practice 202
16 Reframing the Context 203
16.1 Reframing 204
16.2 Discontinuity of Language 206
16.3 Presuppositions 207
16.4 Monsterizing versus the Helpful Model 208
16.5 Choice of Expression 210
16.6 Responding to Blaming 211
16.7 Helpful Hints and Suggestions 213
16.8 Summary 214
16.9 Practice 216
17 Informative Feedback 217
17.1 Feedback 218
17.2 The Giver's Fact 220
17.3 Forms of Feedback 221
17.4 Softening the Pain 224
17.5 Helpful Hints and Suggestions 225
17.6 Summary 226
17.7 Practice 227
IV Managing the Team Context 229
18 Why Teams? 231
18.1 Teams Move Toward Perfection 232
18.2 Review Teams 234
18.3 Other Teams 238
18.4 Helpful Hints and Suggestions 239
18.5 Summary 240
18.6 Practice 241
19 Growing Teams 242
19.1 The Reusable Work Unit 242
19.2 The Maintenance Team 243
19.3 Examples of Team Performance 245
19.4 Management by Team Process Improvement
246
19.5 Helpful Hints and Suggestions 247
19.6 Summary 248
19.7 Practice 249
20 Managing in a Team Environment 250
20.1 The Manager's Role in a Team-Based Organization
251
20.2 Delegating Work 251
20.3 Controlling 254
20.4 Communicating with the Outside 259
20.5 Helpful Hints and Suggestions 261
20.6 Summary 261
20.7 Practice 263
21 Starting and Ending Teams 264
21.1 Forming Teams During a Crisis 264
21.2 Letting the Team Solve Problems 266
21.3 Dissolve Nonfunctioning Groupings 269
21.4 Helpful Hints and Suggestions 271
21.5 Summary 273
21.6 Practice 274
V Epilogue 277
Appendix A: Diagram of Effects 279
Appendix B: Satir Interaction Model 282
Appendix C: Software Engineering Cultural Patterns
283
Appendix D: Control Models 290
Appendix E: Three Observer Positions 295
Notes 297
Listing of Laws, Rules, and Principles 307
Author Index 309
Subject Index 311
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