Acknowledgments iv Preface
xi I Managing Yourself 1 1 Why Congruence
Is Essential to Managing 3 1.1 Knowing versus Doing ..4
1.2 Law of Requisite Variety ..6
1.3 The Importance of Congruent Management
..6
1.4 The Number One Random Process Element ..7
1.5 The Road Ahead ..9
1.6 Helpful Hints and Suggestions 10
1.7 Summary 10
1.8 Practice 11 2
Choosing Management 13
2.1 Where the Payoff Is 14
2.2 The One-Dimensional Selection Model of Management14
2.3 Effects of Applying
the Model 17
2.4 Choice and Congruence 20
2.5 The Vision Behind the Choice
20
2.6 Helpful Hints and Suggestions 21
2.7 Summary 23
2.8 Practice
24
3 Styles of Coping 26 3.1 Coping
Congruently: The Self, Other, and Context 27
3.2 Blaming 28
3.3 Placating
29
3.4 Superreasonable 32
3.5 Loving/Hating 33
3.6 Irrelevant 35
3.7 The Role of Self-Esteem 36
3.8 Helpful Hints and Suggestions 39
3.9
Summary 39
3.10 Practice 40 4 Transforming Incongruence
into Congruence 42 4.1 Congruent Behavior 42
4.2 Transforming
Blaming into Assertive Behavior 45
4.3 Transforming Placating into Caring
or Yielding Behavior46
4.4 Turning Superreasonable into Focused and Reasonable
Behavior 48
4.5 Changing Lovers/Haters into Beneficial Alliances
or Friendly Rivalries 49
4.6 Transforming Irrelevance into Funny or Creative
Behavior49
4.7 Helpful Hints and Suggestions 50
4.8 Summary 51
4.9
Practice 52 5 Moving Toward Congruence 54
5.1 Reframing Internal Messages 55
5.2 Dealing with Strong Feelings 57
5.3 Steps Toward Congruence 60
5.4 What Congruence Means to a Manager 63
5.5 Helpful Hints and Suggestions 64
5.6 Summary 66
5.7 Practice 67
II Managing Others 69 6 Analyzing the Manager's
Job 71 6.1 Deciding and Appointing 72
6.2 Listening
75
6.3 Following Up 76
6.4 Evaluating Quality 76
6.5 Personnel Decisions
77
6.6 Administering 78
6.7 What Congruent Managers Do 80
6.8 Helpful
Hints and Suggestions 81
6.9 Summary 82
6.10 Practice 83 7
Recognizing Preference Differences 85 7.1 Same or Equal?
85
7.2 Preferences 86
7.3 The Myers-Briggs Preferences 87
7.4 Getting
Energy 88
7.5 Obtaining Information 89
7.6 Making Decisions 90
7.7
Taking Action 92
7.8 Why MBTI? 94
7.9 Helpful Hints and Suggestions 95
7.10 Summary 96
7.11 Practice 97 8 Temperament Differences
98 8.1 Four Kinds of Control 99
8.2 Understanding the
Four Temperaments 101
8.3 Temperaments in Action 105
8.4 Temperaments
As Tools for Understanding 109
8.5 Helpful Hints and Suggestions 109
8.6
Summary 110
8.7 Practice 112 9 Recognizing Differences
As Assets 113 9.1 Why Differences Are Assets 113
9.2
Management by Selection Model 114
9.3 Management by Systematic Improvement
Model 117
9.4 Cultures 118
9.5 Females and Males 119
9.6 Other Significant
Differences 121
9.7 Helpful Hints and Suggestions 124
9.8 Summary 125
9.9 Practice 126 10 Patterns of Incongruence 128
10.1 Where Does the Time Go? 128
10.2 The Placating Pattern 131
10.3
The Blame Chain 133
10.4 The Addiction Cycle 134
10.5 Helpful Hints and
Suggestions 136
10.6 Summary 136
10.7 Practice 137 11
The Technology of Human Behavior 138 11.1 The Search for
a Model 139
11.2 The Satir Interaction Model 140
11.3 How Meaning Is Developed
145
11.4 Style versus Intent 147
11.5 The Skilled Technologist of Human
Behavior 148
11.6 Helpful Hints and Suggestions 150
11.7 Summary 150
11.8 Practice 151 III Achieving Congruent Management 153 12
Curing the Addiction to Incongruence 155 12.1 Forcing the
Addict to Stop 155
12.2 Punishment 157
12.3 Rescue 159
12.4 Co-Dependency
or Co-Addiction 160
12.5 A Successful Cure 161
12.6 Helpful Hints and
Suggestions 163
12.7 Summary 164
12.8 Practice 164 13
Ending the Placating Addiction 166 13.1 The Placating Organization
167
13.2 Transforming the Placating Organization 170
13.3 Making Placating
Less Attractive 171
13.4 Remaining Steps 174
13.5 Helpful Hints and Suggestions
175
13.6 Summary 175
13.7 Practice 176 14 Ending
the Blaming Addiction 177 14.1 The Blaming Organization
178
14.2 Criticism As Information 182
14.3 Prohibiting Blaming 185
14.4 Helpful Hints and Suggestions 186
14.5 Summary 187
14.6 Practice
188 15 Engaging the Other 190 15.1
Placating 191
15.2 Blaming 193
15.3 Superreasonable 197
15.4 Irrelevant
198
15.5 Loving and Hating 199
15.6 Helpful Hints and Suggestions 200
15.7 Summary 201
15.8 Practice 202 16 Reframing the
Context 203 16.1 Reframing 204
16.2 Discontinuity of
Language 206
16.3 Presuppositions 207
16.4 Monsterizing versus the Helpful
Model 208
16.5 Choice of Expression 210
16.6 Responding to Blaming 211
16.7 Helpful Hints and Suggestions 213
16.8 Summary 214
16.9 Practice
216 17 Informative Feedback 217 17.1
Feedback 218
17.2 The Giver's Fact 220
17.3 Forms of Feedback 221
17.4 Softening the Pain 224
17.5 Helpful Hints and Suggestions 225
17.6
Summary 226
17.7 Practice 227 IV Managing the Team Context
229 18 Why Teams? 231 18.1 Teams Move Toward
Perfection 232
18.2 Review Teams 234
18.3 Other Teams 238
18.4 Helpful
Hints and Suggestions 239
18.5 Summary 240
18.6 Practice 241 19
Growing Teams 242 19.1 The Reusable Work Unit 242
19.2
The Maintenance Team 243
19.3 Examples of Team Performance 245
19.4 Management
by Team Process Improvement 246
19.5 Helpful Hints and Suggestions 247
19.6 Summary 248
19.7 Practice 249 20 Managing in a
Team Environment 250 20.1 The Manager's Role in a Team-Based
Organization 251
20.2 Delegating Work 251
20.3 Controlling 254
20.4
Communicating with the Outside 259
20.5 Helpful Hints and Suggestions 261
20.6 Summary 261
20.7 Practice 263 21 Starting and Ending
Teams 264 21.1 Forming Teams During a Crisis 264
21.2
Letting the Team Solve Problems 266
21.3 Dissolve Nonfunctioning Groupings
269
21.4 Helpful Hints and Suggestions 271
21.5 Summary 273
21.6 Practice
274 V Epilogue 277 Appendix A: Diagram
of Effects 279
Appendix B: Satir Interaction Model 282
Appendix C: Software
Engineering Cultural Patterns 283
Appendix D: Control Models 290
Appendix
E: Three Observer Positions 295 Notes 297 Listing
of Laws, Rules, and Principles 307 Author Index 309 Subject
Index 311
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